Valid.

"It was more than love for him. It was the feeling she got every single time his name was said, or when he brushed by her in the hall or held her hand. He was the boy she changed for, the boy she would have dropped anything and everything just to spend a night with him. He was always at the center of her world; but she couldn't seem to grasp the concept that she was never the center of his."

Finallly, change.

The stars are aligning. Things are starting to get better. I knew in time they would. I really am happy now. Thank God.

Fame is turning out really well. I feel comfortable and mostly everyone knows what they're doing. However, I am kinda glad that it will soon be over. I guess I just want school to be over and me to be a senior. At last.

Quote for the day: "You just have to be happy. If you are, everything else will fall into place."

I hope I'm not speaking too soon.

Well, things are going better. Fame is fun now. I think we just needed the lights, costumes, hair and makeup to get our spirits high. I feel like it will be a good show. Yes, we do have the random wtf people in the show, but overall the cast is pretty solid. I think all of the roles are cast perfectly and I cannot wait to see the outcome.

I'm suprised at how much he's trying now. I'm just going to try to be a little less...needy? Oh Lord, I did not want to be that person. People tell me I'm not acting that way but I feel like I am. I guess I'm just used to having the upper hand. Oh well.

I can't wait for this weekend. Scratch that. I can't wait til Prom. I don't know why, I just feel like it's going to be fun. I'm going with people I like. However, I still don't have a dress and I have no idea when I'll get one. Eesh.

Anyway, the quote for the day: "Happiness comes in many forms: in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone's dreamcome true, when the promise of hope is renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be. -one tree hill

Priorities.

Wow, thanks for talking to me. You're one of the few people I can be honest with. And your questions really made me think. And rethink this whole mess.

I feel like right now, I need to focus only on the important things right now. I need to get "Fame" overwith and focus more on "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." And yes, he is important but lately he hasn't shown me I'm important to him, so he's going on standby, in my mind at least. My whole thought process is that I've done enough. I've shown I care. I've shown I want to be with him. I've gotten feedback but I, for once, want to be the one giving the feedback. I'm the girl. He's supposed to be the one making at least a little effort. Whatever. I'll deal with it when I feel like it. For now, it isn't worth it.


Quote of the day:"The fate of love is that it always seems to little or too much." - Amelia E. Barr

I don't know why I'm typing this.

I'm really tired right now but something just made me want to write on this stupid blog. Like, some people just write about their day. I don't want to just do that. I want to be interesting. Ha. Good news is I think I know what's up with my mood swings. It's just been this week. This week, which happens to be that time of the month so I'm an emotional fucking wreck.

I finally told him how I feel, and of course nothing. We do need to talk about this. We do need to talk about how I'm doing all the work. He knows I care about him and want to spend time with him, but how do I know he feels the same way about me? By "telling" me he cares? Bull fucking shit. I deserve better then that. I know I do. But I guess I'm just one of those people that likes to play with fire. I know I'll eventually get burned, but I like taking chances. Although, in real life I absolutely hate fire. There's actually this video of me at Christmas. When I was like 3, I had this Christmas candle. My mom was preggo with my brother so she was sleeping and my dad was videoing me. He asked if I wanted to hold the candle. I said yes, but as soon as he looked like he was about to light it I shyed away from it. Literally ran away from the candle. Fire and me just don't mix. So I guess that was a bad metaphor to use.

Anyhoe, I think things will start getting better. I just wish for once I could not think. Just turn off my phone and chill. I would like to do that one day. Leave all of the people that I care about on good terms and just go somewhere for a day or two. I think it would be nice. I haven't been worry free in a while. Or if I was it didn't last a long time. Maybe that will be on my to do list for the summer. Agreed? Agreed.

On to the quote of the day:
"It had been a tempestuous week, snared by emotions rubbing me so raw I hurt at night, alone in the dark." - Crank

I guess since no one is reading this it doesn't really matter what I put right? Time to be honest. Not that I wasn't honest before but I can open up a little more with the belief no one has looked at this shit.

It really sucks when you like, maybe even love someone who doesn't seem to care back. He says he does. And yes, I do believe him. I'm an idiot, I know. I'm crazy for doing this again, I know. I'm just getting my karma. So should I end it? That is the question.

I don't really feel like typing in anything else.
Quote of the day: "I see my present partner In the imperfect tense And I don't see how we can last I feel I need a change of cast Maybe I'm on nobody's side."

Spring Break has begun....

And I have a feeling it will suck. I'm going to try to look on the bright side of things. I definitly will try.


I don't know what the hell is wrong. One minute I'm happy and the next I'm not doing so hot. I wish I could just go with the flow. Sometimes I do, except when it comes to someone. Then I expect so much. Maybe too much. I don't know if I'm just settling or what. It's just for once I know what I want, but what I want doesn't necessarily want me. Just my luck. And so we try for the third time.

Theatrically, things are going pretty well. I get to finally play a role that wouldn't normally be my typecast.

I find I'm not caring so much about anything anymore. Only certain things. And the certain things I care about shouldn't necessarily be worth me caring about, if you get my drift. I'm just exhausted and I want at least a day to do what I want to do. Not that I don't want to do theatre. Or rehearsals. I always look forward to rehearsal. Well, certain rehearsals. It's other things that I want to give up. I want more time with my friends. I want more time with my family. I feel like I'm not free. I'm always waiting for other plans. Bigger plans. Better plans. I always depend on one person. It's like they have control over me. I said I wouldn't feel this way, but it's hard to control. I want to get out of it before I get too attached. Maybe I already am. Should I get out of it? Am I just settling?

Quote of the day: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon